CCTV FOLLIES 12.21 TV PROPAGANDA 101

Imagine you are an editor of CCTV News and your job is to make China look great and the rest of the world shaky. Here's a step-by-step "how to" from today's news.

Xi—Jin—Ping are the three magic syllables that open the news program.

And rightly so, as the top four stories and the next ten minutes of coverage consist of paeans to the paramount leader. Taking a cue from Leni Riefenstahl’s Triumph of the Will, CCTV’s crack editorial team opens not with a cold opening of the leader’s face, but with lofty celestial pictures looking down on the landscape where humans reside.

If you’re looking for guidance of Xi Jinping Thought on high quality development with Chinese characteristics in the New Era on the New Journey, who you gonna call?

The paramount leader, like a Buddha statue, has several fixed poses, and none more important than Mister Pointer Man.

Hands behind the back, face in the wind is a nice opener, but you want as many outstretched arm poses as possible. It’s alpha male. It’s commanding. It suggests knowledge and vision. It’s Xi being Xi.

The enlightener should be shown in the process of enlightening. He is best portrayed as relaxed, avuncular, and informal, espousing his philosophy in an effortless way.

He doesn’t need notes, and his reading glasses are never shown!

Xi spews party line effortlessly. The way he tosses around words in a word salad is a worthy accomplishment in itself, but it has become easier now that Xi Jinping Thought is officially enshrined as party line. If he says it, good luck saying otherwise.

-The teacher of men is shown teaching. So humble! So down-to-earth!

The paramount leader makes site inspections checking up on the weal and woe of his people. He is also protector of the harvest and a veritable modern god of agriculture, so every word of his advice is as precious as a drop of water on a sun-parched field.

If possible, he should be shown touching the stem of a rice plant or examining seeds.

As for the innate greatness of the paramount one, don’t editorialize from the studio.

Let the people speak!

“As Xi Jinping says…”

To close the top news story of the day, this invigorating paean to the great policies of the great leader, shift to nature mode, showing beasts in the field and fish in the water and birds in the air, and colorful minorities slaving away in the fields with a smile on the face.

Now on to the second top story of the day. Bankruptcies? Crackdowns? Draconian law enforcement? Aggression in South China Sea? Precipitous drop in foreign investment?

No, no, no, no and no!

As any good hack editor knows, a bountiful harvest is an evergreen story. You can pull out the pictures any time of the year and reassure a rattled populace that all is well and as it should be in a universe guided by a galaxy brain with a green thumb.

Fresh fruit looks colorful. Fresh food looks appetizing.

editor’s note: Excess care should be taken when displaying foods that present a possible double entendre. Baozi, or steamed buns, should be used sparingly in illustrations and shown with the utmost respect and elegance, as this popular food is an unauthorized but popular nickname for the paramount one. Likewise, mention of fried rice is best avoided since it brings to mind the carelessness of Mao’s son Anying who reportedly died making unauthorized fried rice during an air raid in the Korean War.

Another round of testimonials about the definitive role played by Xi’s inspiration and guidance in creating a bounteous harvest has been carefully culled and edited to extract maximum adulatory reference to the paramount one. Recommended terms of address include “Central Party Secretary” the “Core” and “Comrade Xi.”

Low-paid agricultural labor should be shown smiling as far as humanly possible.

Big characters in red make for a nice backdrop, showing continuity with the Great Leap Forward and Cultural Revolution of Xi’s youth with Xi’s China of today.

Next up, two recursive bulletins about how the media is covering the Xi miracle.

-People’s Daily laud’s Xi’s vision for modernized Chinese-style agriculture

-CCTV Quick Review editorializes on the efflorescence of Xi’s “sannong” policy addressing agriculture, rural areas, and farmers in the New Era on the New Journey.

Xi Jinping Thought study sessions continue to captivate the nation. Scribble, scribble.

As for that earthquake that recently struck Gansu in northwest China? The takeaway message is that the party is on the case and everything is under control. That’s it.

Editor’s note: (It took Xi two months to get around to visiting the areas near Beijing devastated by floods last summer so don’t build up expectations of Xi visiting Gansu anytime soon. He’ll visit when he visits, if he visits, and not a minute before)

The army and party members continue to aid the populace, putting up tents, issuing instructions and putting things up almost as fast as things came down. CCP rules!

In this heartwarming human interest segment, a kindly soldier teaches elementary math to young students gathered for class in a tent.

Color-coordinated workers address infrastructure issues while tireless party members gift food and supplies to a docile and appreciative populace.

The presence of red trucks and red tents is a reminder that the party spirit is strong.

Another patriotic education campaign kicks off to make the people even more appreciative of the communist party of China! The party is in every nook and crevice.

More good economic news! 5G is proliferating, as indicated by stacks of gold coins and upward red arrows.

Meanwhile, planes, trains, ships and busses are seeing more investment.

A new global ideology for humanity! Xi Jinping Thought is sweeping the world like an electric storm. Nowhere is the reception more rapturous than in Belarus where Xi is a modern-day philosopher-king. Very well-educated, well-dressed white people gather to applaud Xi’s wisdom and absorb Xi’s guidance in this mass ceremony.

And Xi’s books are selling like potato pancakes! His august visage can be seen in good bookstores everywhere. Run out and buy a copy now while supplies last.

Many important world leaders have expressed sympathy directly to Xi Jinping about the Gansu earthquake. Leading the list is Russia, Vietnam, Laos, Cambodia, Mongolia, and that Western stalwart of Xi Jinping Thought, Belarus!

Foreign news focus today is on Gaza with IDF footage of street fighting and tunnel searches and tanks followed by Hamas footage of resistance attacks and generic TV scenes of mayhem in bombed out Gaza. Fair and balanced is CCTV’s middle name.

An evergreen wedge issue useful to pry Japan and South Korea apart has resurfaced with Korean complaints about lack of compensation from Japanese firms for use of slave labor during the Second World War.

CCTV simply loves irate citizen protests in places other than China, especially in countries that are in official disfavor.

Adding to Japan’s (much deserved) troubles is the news that Toshiba, an icon of Japan industry is de-listing from the Tokyo Stock Exchange!

This is sign of decline and a setback caused by economic woes and corporate malfeasance, otherwise CCTV news wouldn’t be covering it, let alone so gleefully.

Zai jian!

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